Why is it that I am running the same circle over and over again? It is as if I am on a damned carousel. What makes it worse is that I could probably work at weight loss a lot less with the same result. Not that I am about to take this laying down, but I seriously have to figure out what is holding me back! Why put in all this exercise, tracking and making smart choices if I am going to end up right back in the same spot? Heck, I ran 5 miles this weekend and have little to show for it besides shin splits (ow, by the way).
Yesterday, I read a Metro article on the commute into Philly, “What’s Keeping You Stuck?” asking the same questions. The columnist, Jonathan Alpert, has his new book coming out today, Be Fearless: Change Your Life in 28 Days Be Fearless: Change Your Life in 28 Days. I have not read the book yet, but the article got me thinking. Is fear keeping me stuck at this weight? At first, the question seemed ludicrous because I am so sick of being heavy. But if I stay with the question long enough, a deeper understanding of the question comes through for me. The weight is the result of not facing my fears. When I attempt to take a break from stress by eating, I am avoiding my fears. It would be harder to sit still and deal with the stress head on but likely more fruitful. The fear of missing out by not indulging in the treat of the moment (dinner out, extra portion, dessert, a cocktail, homemade treat, etc) usually looms larger for me than the more intangible fear of never reaching my goal. I know that I can have a treat here or there and still hit my goal, but I usually manage to twist that around in my head so that I usually get the treat here and there. The instant gratification wins over the long term goal.
I am not exactly sure how to name the fear or how to overcome it, but I see that I need to make a more direct correlation between my actions in the moment and the end of the week outcome. I think I have been living with the disconnect, happily oblivious. Well, it is time to plug back in.